Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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