Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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