He passed out mid-signature
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
