I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
