i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
