so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
