I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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