Already got asked if we're dating
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Boobs are out for the taking
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
