Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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