I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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