Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
