i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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