Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's Friday. Sex?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We are all done wearing pants today
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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