Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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