hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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