you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
