between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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