she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
