He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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