It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
