Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
