Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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