i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
