i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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