How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
