we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
