fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
