everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
