i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
