Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
