To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
