i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So many bounce houses so little time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
