It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
