this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
