Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
