dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
