I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
