Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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