i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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