That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
