i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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