I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
