How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
