Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
