he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
