Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
