i think i have herpe
just one?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
