We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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