well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
