he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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