I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
