just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
