we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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