i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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